\u201cStart writing again\u201d he said.
As if words are like well trained dogs,
That come when called and know when you\u2019re sad
Or happy or need love or distraction
If only. If only words were that simple,
Or that well trained..
\u201cStart writing again\u2026please.\u201d
The \u201cplease\u201d is a nice touch,
But it doesn\u2019t make them come.
It doesn\u2019t pull them out of the dark recesses
The static filled, white noise that is my mind
Politeness doesn\u2019t pull something out of nothing
Or form a creation when there is nothing to create
There is no masterpiece hidden within my frontal lobe
I wish there was.
\u201cJust write about me. Us. Write about life.\u201d
What life? The stress of money, my failure as a parent and a partner?
The arguments with my father,
That feel like beating my fists against a brick wall and expecting to crack it,
The lost friendships that weren\u2019t even real.
The loneliness? Constant loneliness.
Aimlessness. Pointlessness. Repetitiveness.
Needing to feel needed even if it\u2019s by strangers on the internet.
Wanting to feel important because of a little symbol next to an online username.
Finding family online because my real family are more like acquaintances.
\u201cWhat about us?\u201d
What about us? Should I write about how worthless I feel?
Or how\u2026how I don\u2019t know how to make myself feel
what it is you want me to feel.
Or rather, how I don\u2019t know how to show what I feel
because those feelings are real.
But my brain moves too fast, needing constant stimulation,
So I forget that words are only words
And actions speak louder, but I forget to complete those actions.
And so I stay silent.
Should I write about my regret? My mistakes?
My dreams for a better future?
Should I write about being surrounded by masks?
Literally, and figuratively.
My exasperation with everything that is going on in the world?
I feel like that\u2019s just beating a dead horse.
It\u2019s been done so many times.
\u201cStart writing again.\u201d
Happy writing has never been my forte
I feel a kinship with Poe in that regard.
I thrive in the darkness while trying to stay in the light.
If that\u2019s not an oxymoron, then I don\u2019t know what is.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cStart writing again\u201d he said.As if words are like well trained dogs,That come when called and know when you\u2019re sadOr happy or need love or distractionIf only. If only words were that simple,Or that well trained..\u201cStart writing again\u2026please.\u201dThe \u201cplease\u201d is a nice touch,But it doesn\u2019t make them come.It doesn\u2019t pull…<\/p>\n